my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
