Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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