You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
