ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
