Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He kissed a someone with a penis
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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