when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
