WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
