2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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