You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
