don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
