I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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