Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
