she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
