evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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