Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
