you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
