there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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