This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
