so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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