Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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