Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
