somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
NoShamevember. You game?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
