what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
