8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
