Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
