Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
