I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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