I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
