So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
