I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
