I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
