I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
this will be a night to untag.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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