the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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