awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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