You just made me feel so damn special
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
the liver wants what the liver wants
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
