Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
