you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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