apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
