every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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