i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
