Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
