just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
