hotel room ftw
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
