your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
