I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
