That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
