just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
