State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I didn't notice because vodka
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
