I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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