can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
