whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
