I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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