I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
